A Thinking Man

What Men May Want to Know


Constipation

Write a short piece and include the phrase, “he reached out.”

Okay. Let’s do this. Microsoft Word. New document. Blank page. Save as; Writers Class Exercise 1.

“He reached out.”

He reached out? Reached out for what? Why did he reach out? How are we supposed to do anything with that? He reached out. Reaching out is hard. What he should be doing is having stuff handed to him, that’s easy; you could do a ton with that. With just a little more thought it would have been so much easier; but no. Okay, you got this. It is what it is.

“He reached out.”

For God’s sake! I got nothing here. No, wait.

“He reached out and,”

Perfect. What kind of teachers didn’t think to add that? Idiots. Would have made it so much easier. Now it flows. I had to add that myself.

“He reached out and,”

Crap! Why did I sign up for this stupid class? Two doors down, Entomology. Bugs. They bite, they sting, and you squash ‘em with your shoe. No creativity required. That’s a class.

“He reached out and,”

Dammit! You can do this. You’re a special writer. Remember what she said? Mrs. Lawson? Sixth grade? Your story with the parachute men, the blue parachute men? She puts that red star on top of the page, hands it back to you with those long red fingernails. Gives you a shot of those giant hooters when she bends over. She knew what she was doing. Yeah, Mrs. Lawson – she knew you had it.

“He reached out and,”

Look, there’s the neighbor with those two stupid dogs. You better not shit in my yard. Keep walking you fat bastard!

Jees! Where did that come from? A little stressed here. It’s just an exercise. They said you didn’t have to do it.

“He reached out and,”

I’ll tell you what he did! He reached out and turned off this damn computer, grabbed a beer and watched the game. No wait. That’s it!

“He reached out and grabbed a beer.”

Perfect. Genius. Of course he did. That’s the answer. Who doesn’t reach out and grab a beer? I’ll bet no one else in the class figured it out. This is easy; I’m back in the groove. A writer writes. A great beginning like this deserves more thought – and a nap.

We’re on a roll now Mrs. Lawson!

You know, I bet those tits are down around her knees by now.





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